It's the end of the year and it's the party season.. but how do you go out and have fun with your friends and still be safe? What dangers are there? Is there really anything to worry about?The end of the year can be a great time to relax and have some fun, get together with friends and all those leavers parties can be great- but what if not all goes to plan..
Stress
STRESS
"Not only do I have to worry about friends, family, school, relationships, should I- shouldn't I etc, etc, but to make things worse I don't know why I'm feeling so bad - I just can't cope with it all- I'm just.. just... STRESSIN' "
Stress can really change the way we think and the way we are feeling. There can be lots of reasons;
Sometimes its just because of changes in our body. Sometimes its a particular person or situation. Sometimes its lots of things- but rest assured you are normal. Everyone suffers stress from time to time.
A little stress can be a good thing because it helps us move forward in life - but if we have too much of it or in the wrong ways, then we feel like the wheels are falling off.
"So what can I do about it?"
Try not to make big decisions - making big decisions about relationships and other situations that profoundly affect our lives when we're under stress is rarely a good idea. We're not thinking straight and so are less likely to make the RIGHT decision.
Sort it out- Relationship problems are one of the biggest causes of stress and they rarely go away on their own. Deal
Do what you enjoy - we need time to ourselves regularly doing those things we love to help maintain a healthy chemical balance in the brain to help us deal with stressful situations.
Balance your life as much as you can - exercise, play, sleep, study, work, spend time with family and eat well. Often we get stressed because we are not spending enough time in one or more of these areas on top of life's little ups and downs.
Get some more exercise - Exercise increases the levels of our 'feel good' levels in the brain to give us a more positive outlook and in turn help us deal with stress
Talk about it - Friends are a great resource that can help when we need them. Open up and talk about it, its amazing how much talking can help. If not, talk to a counsellor, parent, youth worker or your GP. Someone a little removed from the situation.
"... I don't want to wake up pregnant. Or even worse with some disease- but is it really that likely to happen?"
"None of the guys I'm likely to sleep with, if I do, would have anything..would they?"
"Just a couple of drinks won't hurt"
"..They're only cordial with a bit of alcohol in them, nothing very strong.. all my friends will be drinking"
.... Sound familiar? These girls thought exactly the same thing...
Emily, 17: "I was at a party and there was this guy who kept going on an on about how he wanted to sleep with me. But he didn't have any condoms and neither did I, so I just told him it wasn't going to happen. Then I kept drinking and the next thing I know I wake up with him on top of me having a good time and I thought: You Prick!"
Alcohol and drugs are half the fun of going to a party. But it's important to know when you switch from "having fun" to "being out of it".
If you're too stoned or drunk to know what you are doing, you are putting yourself at risk...of having unsafe sex; of having sex when you didn't really want it or having sex when you definitely didn't want it, which is rape.
You could wake up with more than a hangover. You could wake up pregnant, with a sexually transmitted infection or just feeling rotten about yourself. It's not worth it.
* Do not stick with anyone if they're making you feel uncomfortable to pressuring you
* Say no at any time if you want to
* If you think you might end up having sex, take a condom
* Plan how you're going to get home. Don't just get into any car when it's time to leave. summer safe
*these suggestions come from an education kit called "Rethinking Drinking"
'Vodka nearly killed me'
After drinking a litre of vodka with her friends to celebrate the end of term, Anna started slipping into a coma.
It was nearly the end of term and, to celebrate, one of Anna's friends suggested they try to get drunk. "One of the boys looks older and he went to buy us alcohol", says Anna, 15. "I asked for an alcopop, but he brought back a litre bottle of vodka.
"I hated the taste, but I decided I'd drink the whole bottle - and that's exactly what I did. The others shared fizzy wine. I remember being sick, but I don't remember much more."
Around 10.30pm, Anna was found slumped outside the youth club. For 10 minutes, friends struggled to get her to open her eyes, without success.
An ambulance was called. The crew tried to rouse her and failed. It was 11.15pm. Her heart rate was dangerously low.
As Anna was rushed to East Surrey Hospital in Redhill, her mother Joanna received the terrible news: her daughter was unconscious. "I just froze," she says. "When I reached A&E, Anna was on a trolley with drips in her nose and a drain down her throat.
Call 000 if someone:
* Passes out and you can't wake them up
* Starts breathing slowly
* Turns blue, clammy or feels cold to the touch
* Starts choking on vomit
"The doctors opened her eyes and shone a torch into them, and her eyes had rolled right back. They asked me whether she took drugs, but I said 'no'," says Anna. "Funnily enough, I'd never worried about alcohol. She didn't even like the taste.
"The doctors managed to bring her round in A&E and they were pumping fluids into her. She had serious dehydration, but they got her to respond."
But at 3am, the monitors connected to Anna went crazy. Her heart rate had plummeted. Anna was going into a coma, so they started injecting her with drugs to revive her. She seemed to be slipping away.
"For nearly an hour, medical staff tried different drugs," says Joanna. "Luckily she stabilised again and the alarms went quiet. Her colour improved and she started breathing more deeply.
"Then at 5am, Anna suddenly sat up and said, 'Where am I? I need the loo!' She's vowed not to get drunk again. She's learnt her lesson."
"I can't even stand the smell of alcohol now," says Anna.
title
Relationships can be hard, and often things don't work out quite as we think they should. We blame ourselves, get sad and start to wonder if we can do anything right. But sometimes we get confused, because people are different, expect different things and we don't know who's right.
So here are a few things to ponder.....
A healthy relationship is based on respect.
It's when:
* you have fun together
* you both feel like you can be yourself
* you can have different opinions and interests
* you listen to each other
* you trust each other
* you can both compromise, say sorry, and talk arguments out
* you don't have to spend all of you spare time together - you can spend time on your own, or with your own friends and family.
"I really love and trust my boyfriend, he's like one of my best friends and I can tell him anything. He just wants us to have fun together, there's no pressure, and he doesn't make a big deal of it if I don't want to do what he wants. I can be myself with him" - Ana.
Jealousy - is this love?
"I thought our relationship was fantastic at first. But now things have started happening that I don't understand. He gets mad a me for wanting to be with my friends. And any time he sees me speaking to any other guy he accuses me of flirting. He says it's because he loves me."
Jealousy might seem like a sign of love. But when someone uses anger or jealousy to try to control what you do, or acts like they 'own' you, this isn't love - it's control. You've got every right to talk to anyone you want to.
What about Sex, am I ready? ..Should I feel Ready?
Having a good relationship doesn't mean you have to have sex. But whatever you do, whether it's kissing, touching or having sex, it should always be something that you both want to do.
Sex is meant to be:
* something you decide to do when you're ready to
* something that makes you both feel good
* something you can interrupt or stop at any time
* safe (because you're both prepared with condoms to protect you from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy)
Sex isn't meant to be:
* the only way to prove that you love someone
* something you feel pressured or forced into
* something you do because 'everyone else is doing it'
* something that makes you feel used.
Remember, if you've been kissing or touching but don't want to go any further, that's ok. Kissing is not a contract.
Trust and communication
The most important thing in a sexual relationship is that you trust the other person and you feel like you can communicate with them.
If you are considering a sexual relationship, or if you are in a sexual relationship, ask yourself:
* How much do I trust this person to respect what I do and don't want to do?
* How comfortable would I feel talking with them about safe sex and contraception?
* How comfortable would I feel saying no to them?
Someone who loves you should respect your right to decide if and when to have sex.
If you don't feel ready to have sex, you could say "I really like you but I don't feel ready to have sex yet".
Sex and Pressure
"I kept on pushing his hands away but he just put them back there, then I just froze, I couldn't say anything, it was horrible".
What if someone has touched you or made you touch them in a sexual way, and you felt like you had no choice?
You might have
* felt scared to say no
* felt pressured into having sex, because they made you think that if you didn't, they'd break up with you, or they wouldn't like you
* been asleep or drunk and didn't really know what was going on
* been forced into sexual contact
No-one should force you into any type of sexual contact. In fact, this is sexual assault, and it is a crime that can be reported to the police.
Remember, they have done the wrong thing, not you. It can help to talk to someone about it.
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